I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
