I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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