with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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