I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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