Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
