He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize