Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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