Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
