Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
