So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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