No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
