so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he was CRYING into my vagina
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
