Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
