Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
