We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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