I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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