she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I believe in your delicious
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
