Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
