Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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