Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
