i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My feet surprised me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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