That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
