I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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