How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
