I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
