You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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