Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
