I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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