i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
