what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have aggressive nipples.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
