I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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