How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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