Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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