what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
