Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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