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i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
