And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
