Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
