I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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