throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
