Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
