You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
