I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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