I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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