Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
