So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize