swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
