white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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