just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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