My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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