My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize