OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
