I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
