Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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