I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
