I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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