Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
