Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
