that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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