I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
