Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
