Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
