I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
