problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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