I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
