I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
