I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
vagina is talking i cant
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
