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I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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