Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
