Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
