I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
