Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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