Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
