I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
